How did piKziL get started?
piKziL for me represents a mosaic. Like personalities, mosaics are many small parts that make up a whole.
For years I was creatively identifying /revealing small parts of myself but forgetting to take a step back see the larger picture. Or maybe I was hiding certain aspects from the world around me and from myself. I would emphasize aspects that I thought people wanted me to be, or look like, or sound like. And sure, they were all parts of me but not even close to all of who I was. That is what piKziL represents, being the complex person I am, with no apologies.
For instance, I am an athlete but that wasn’t something that necessarily resonated with the people in the music world around me. So, in my younger years I unknowingly hid that part to fit in with the culture. I was in the High Times 100 “stoner bands of the month” club and I didn’t smoke pot. I was in the “let’s stay up all night, drink and get rowdy!” band, but I had no desire to drink or get rowdy. Especially because my instrument (my voice) had it’s limitations on 200 + gigs a year – I had to rest it before and after every show, I needed to rest and honor my body. Why couldn’t I be a rock star AND a health junkie?
I felt I had to camouflage parts of me to fit in with what was acceptable. I needed to be “the cool girl in a rock band”. Honestly, I have never considered myself cool, but for some reason other people wanted me to be. This ‘fitting in’ or ‘doing what pleased others’ also manifested in my musical expression. I come from such a varied musical background. I wanted to creatively explore all of these styles to discover my own sound.
I didn’t want to limit myself creatively, but in my first touring band the members were very inflexible musically.
For the most part, they wanted a 100% hard funk rock sound.
So, instead of standing up for myself, I chose not to bring in any of my singer songwriter material to the table.
I hid it away.
Not that Zuba’s music wasn’t totally rad, it was!
I was proud to be a part of it!
I loved our live shows and our albums.
Our third album, The New Cruelty, was edgy, but melodic and funky – so much of what I loved.
But those songs were only part of what I had to offer; I wanted dig into all my creative strengths.
About 6 years in, I began to bring more of that songwriter material to our rehearsals. The band lineup had changed and our fans responded positively to the new direction. Some of the songs ended up on our last album, South Of Eden.
So, after the band split I thought that going all the way back to my singer / songwriter influences would satisfy some of that missed experience…a focus on songs, lyrics and melodies and less on groove.
For a while, doing that music was fun.
We released a beautiful album, Bird On A Wing, that I am very proud of. But over time, it felt one dimensional.
It was time to go in a new direction I hadn’t yet explored. I didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. Luckily, I found a musical partner that loves exploration into every corner as much as I do. Kip has NEVER once said “that isn’t ‘cool’ enough, or ‘catchy’ enough, or ‘funky’ enough, or “EDGY” enough”. In this project we explore everywhere we want to go. It is beyond refreshing!
The songs excite me every time I hear them. The music just feels right and sounds damn good!
It took time, but I am finally at a point where, fully believing in myself, I’m ready to explore the fullness of my creative and personal possibilities. Now I am willing to stand up for my own vision. And with Kip, I have found a true collaboration. He is like a kid in a candy shop creatively. He is always game!
I have come to terms with what makes me unique. I am a team player and a hard worker, sincere and loving, young at heart,
a mom and a wife,
smart but often forgetful,
a creative perfectionist,
a musician and an athlete.
I used to care about being attractive on the outside, and about people liking me. I cared too much. These days, I focus on what is on the inside and what I want to accomplish. That is the kind of sexiness I aspire to.
Now I care about content.
I care about ideas.
I care about exploring every corner of my potential.
I care about unfolding many different versions of myself.
We all are so many things, we are complex, we are so many pikziLs of a greater picture. We should always remember that it is our uniqueness that makes us a valuable part of everything we do.
We are limitless. We are beyond 4 dimensional…..We are not just one element…..We are millions of piKziLs.